Stupid silence
by notagoodplace4gods
Summary: "Don't listen to them, don't you ever listen to them. Listen to me, instead."


Robin usually enjoys silence. He likes how he can just look into Bruce's eyes and understand what he means to say without actually having to say it, how they don't need words to function as a team; one look and Robin knows to disappear, when to reappear and regroup. He likes silence because silence allows him to _think_ clearly, it gives him peace of mind to analyze everything and form a plan.

He learned to appreciate silence, especially because he doesn't get much of it at the Mountain. That's what you get for being best friend with pun-loving, let-me-tell-you-all-about-my-day-in-complete-detail Kid Mouth, but when he's with Wally, Robin doesn't really mind all the talking, he pretends to, though, because he has a reputation to uphold.

He always liked silence, but now it's almost unbearable. He stares at the door to the medical bay, waiting for someone to come out of it with news, but no one does. He looks over at his friends, and they're all there. But they're seated so quietly, it feels wrong. If Wally was there, he'd be all over M'Gann, or fighting with Artemis, he'd be trying to get Superboy to laugh or asking Aqualad about Atlantis. Wally would have an arm around Robin, and he'd be ranting about videogames or how cool the mission was.

But Wally isn't there.

He isn't there now because he just had to grab the bomb and run with it. He held it until the last second because he wasn't far enough from the city and someone could get hurt. But he was the one who got hurt when the bomb went off because _he_ wasn't far enough. The impact threw him hard into a mountain and he was buried beneath some rocks. It took the team quite a while to get there, and when they found him, he was... He was...

 _No._ Robin doesn't want to think about it. Robin doesn't want to _think_ because if he does, then he'll remember all the blood, and how faint the heartbeat was. He doesn't want to think about how it was all maybe wishful thinking on his part and Wally won't be able to survive the wounds, maybe his accelerated healing won't be able to save him this time. He doesn't want to think about how Wally might die and he never told him, he never...

Batman and Flash step out of the room, after four hours of surgery, and they all get up, closing in on them, desperate for news.

"Is he..." Artemis starts, but stops as soon as she hears her voice break.

"He's going to be okay." Flash says and M'Gann lets out the sob she's been holding since they've found him. They all seem to be able to breathe again, relieved at the news. "He's got some broken bones and the burns are still pretty bad, but he's out of danger. He just needs some time now and he'll be okay."

"But?" Robin looks at Batman. They don't exchange any words, he just looks at his mentor's face and he knows that's not the end of the story. A million possibilities crosses his minds and they're all horrifying. Barry never said a word about him waking up. What if he never wakes up? What if he wakes up but he's not Wally anymore? His heart's filled with dread, but he forces himself to breathe and calm down just enough to demand. "Just say it, get it over with."

Everyone looks at him, surprise turning to worry, turning to panic when the see Barry's face fall.

"But the bomb's radiation... It did something to him, to his cells. He's lost his speed."

Robin hears gasps and curses from behind him, but pays no attention to the people around him. His vision begins to blur. He knows that Wally loves being Kid Flash with all his heart and soul, and that he feels naked in civies, but now Wally will never be able to run again, he'll have to quit the team and rest his cowl.

Wally's not okay, and he may never be okay, after this.

xxx

It takes a long time for Wally to wake up and even longer for them to be allowed to visit, because he doesn't have the accelerated healing anymore. Robin wanted to be there when they told him, wanted to be there for his friend, wanted to hold his hand and comfort him, but at the same time, there's some part of him that's relieved he wasn't and it's mostly because he knows nothing he can say can comfort him. The team appears to share his thoughts; avoiding Wally seems like the way to go and having an excuse as good as 'an order from Batman' makes them feel less guilty. But Robin doesn't allow himself the luxury because he knows that this wouldn't stop him from going to see his friend with the situation was any other.

The Mountain is silent, no one feels like talking, there's nothing to say, but Robin doesn't mind it. He plans. The boy wonder waits until it's night and Batman's gone home to Gotham. He hacks the cameras and replaces the feed with a video he recorded earlier of Wally sleeping, and goes in.

"Hey, there, sleeping beauty, miss me?" He knows Wally's awake, so there's no reason for him to be quiet.

Wally blinks at him, confused by the intrusion, but when his eyes focus on Robin, his whole body tenses. Robin tries not to be hurt by it.

"Hey." Wally nods and shrinks right back into the mattress.

"Why the long face, dude? You've had worse than that? Remember Budapest? Man, that was..."

"I'm tired." Wally says, very keen on staring at his own hands. "Maybe you should leave."

Now, that hurts, and what hurts more is that Robin _wants_ to. But he doesn't. He can't.

"No. You're not doing this to me."

"Rob, please, just leave me alone. I'm not doing anything." He pleads and falls silent, and it's something that's never happened to them before and it's wrong. It's stupid and horrible and wrong. The room goes so quiet, the only sound Robin hears is his blood boiling beneath his skin.

"You are! You're pushing everyone away, everyone who cares about you and loves you. You're refusing our words and our help, and I should know because that's what I did, no, that's what I've been doing for years on the anniversary of my parents death, but then you showed up and helped me through it. Now it's my time to help you, KF, if you just let me..."

"And how can you help?" Wally suddenly turns to him, his whole face turning as red as his hair. "Can you give me back my powers? Can you go back in time and make sure it never happened? What can you do, Dick? You can't do anything, you can't..." Wally presses both his hands onto his face and then looks at them, surprised to realize he's crying.

"I can't, but the league's working on it, they're going to reverse it, whatever it is."

"Yeah, I'm sure they're going to work really hard on it when they've got better things to do, like, I don't know, saving the world!"

"Wally, they're going to do all they can, you know that."

"I know, but maybe, maybe it won't be enough. Maybe I'll never get my powers back." His voice breaks and the boy wonder pulls him into his arms. Wally doesn't fight him and Robin lets himself enjoy the closeness for a moment. He's been so worried about Wally this whole time and to be able to hold him like this, to listen to his heartbeat, is amazing, it's...

He takes a deep breath. Moment's gone. "KF, look at me, it's going to be okay, whether you get your powers back or not."

"No, no, you don't get it, Rob. You don't... Without my powers, I have nothing... I'm... I'm useless, Dick. The guys in school, they... And my dad..." Dick thought his heart had broken when Flash first told them about Wally's powers, but then, _surprise, surprise_ it survived, only to shatter into pieces now. He's always known Wally's dad was an abusive jerk, he knows that's why he moved in with his uncle and aunt. He's done some research on his background when Kid Flash first appeared, he's read all about how Wally's parents left him after the incident that gave him his powers, but the redhead's never really talked to him about it.

And now that he's thinking about it, Wally never told him about his friends in school, or if he had any, so it's a logical assumption to make the kids in school bully him. Robin's sure neither Barry or Iris know about the bullying, or they would have done something, so it means Wally's been quietly taking all the abuse on his own and, just because he never talks about it, it doesn't mean it doesn't haunt him or pain him. Now it's obvious it does and the last piece of the puzzle falls into place.

Maybe Wally doesn't really loves being Kid Flash all that much, maybe he just _hates_ being Wally West.

And it's because most of his life he's been told Wally West is a loser, that he's weak and pathetic and deserves to be beaten, mocked, and shoved into lockers. It's because putting the uniform on and running in the speed of sound is cool. Wally West could never be cool, Wally West could never be happy, but Kid Flash could and he _was._

Kid Flash was loud and hyperactive, always on a good mood and trying to cheer everyone up. Kid Flash was confident, warm and trusted too easily. He got excited over little things and he always tried to get everyone to stick around in the cave after missions, because he dreaded going home and becoming Wally West again.

"No, Wally, they're wrong." Dick tries and holds him harder when he feels the redhead shake his head no. "Don't listen to them, don't you ever listen to them. Listen to _me,_ instead."

This makes Wally raise his head and their eyes meet. Robin's not wearing his mask anymore.

"Kid Flash might be Robin's best friend, but Wally West is Dick Grayson's. Wally, sure, your puns are _the worst,_ but you're reliable, and you're caring, sweet and smart, you've kept my secret identity for years now. No, don't look away from me, you are. Look, if Wally West wasn't so smart, you'd never have successfully replicated the Flash experiment when you were twelve. And you didn't become a hero the moment you got your powers because you know as well as I do that powers mean nothing. You became a hero the moment you _decided_ to become a hero, and you did it because you're kind and sweet, because you're brave and wanted to help people."

"Dick..." Wally's hands goes to Dick's neck and they're cold. They're cold and they're trembling and Dick places his own hands on top of his friend's to ease him.

"No, Wally, you need to listen to me, you need to listen to me right now. Okay, you're..." Dick knows he's got Wally's undivided attention, and that now's the time for him to make his fucking point, but he looks at his best friend's shiny, eager green eyes, and his mind goes blank. "Wally, you're... You're amazing. You're..." He doesn't find the right words to complete the sentence so, in his desperation to just _do_ something to make him understand, Dick decides to just _show him._

His lips find the redhead's and silence falls between them. For a moment Wally just stands there, unmoving; he doesn't kiss Dick back, but he doesn't move away either and Dick tries not to think about how he's terrified this was a mistake, about how Wally's going to hate him forever and he's just ruined everything, but then Wally's lips start moving against his.

"Do you really like me?" He asks, voice small and unsure, but he's still _not moving away._

Dick decides to be bold, and kisses Wally again, but this one's small and quick. "I." Then he goes for another kiss. "Really." And another. "Do." A lot of things are said in a glance, or in little gestures, but some things are worth saying just because they're worth being heard. "I like Wally West a lot."

When their mouths break apart, Wally lets out a sob, but then he's pulling Dick back and kissing him, before Dick can say anything else. Silence fills the room again, and this time Dick makes sure to _enjoy_ it.


End file.
